


memories

by imposterhuman



Series: winteriron week 2019 [4]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bucky Is a Good Bro, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, PTSD, Panic Attacks, Protective Bucky Barnes, Tony Feels, Tony Needs a Hug, Tony Stark Has Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Winteriron Week 2019
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-25
Updated: 2019-07-25
Packaged: 2020-07-19 16:15:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19976911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imposterhuman/pseuds/imposterhuman
Summary: It shouldn't have been a big deal. Tony was fine with water, he really was. He took showers all the time, could walk in the rain, and could even swim if he wanted (he never did, but hecould). He didn't have nightmares of tepid water in his lungs, screams echoing in the dirty cave, not at all.He wasfine.So when Clint hit him in the face with a water balloon, he should have been able to laugh it off and swear revenge, like Clint was expecting.





	memories

**Author's Note:**

> winteriron week day 3: panic attacks/ptsd
> 
> enjoy :)

It shouldn’t have been a big deal. Tony was fine with water, he really was. He took showers all the time, could walk in the rain, and could even swim if he wanted (he never did, but he _could_ ). He didn’t have nightmares of tepid water in his lungs, screams echoing in the dirty cave, not at all. 

He was _fine_.

So when Clint hit him in the face with a water balloon, he should have been able to laugh it off and swear revenge, like Clint was expecting.

Instead, Tony went stock-still, holding his breath as long as he could. If he struggled, they held him under longer. If he went limp, they might pull him out of the barrel before his burning lungs used up all of his oxygen.

There was water in his lungs and the taste of sand and blood in his mouth. His hands were tight around the car battery powering his heart. If it got wet, the shock could kill him. 

It was almost over, Tony knew. They wouldn’t damage him too badly, not when they still needed him to build for them. He just had to hold on a little longer. His lungs were burning, vision going fuzzy and black.

His head was dragged out of the barrel and he gasped, getting oxygen while he could. Someone was moving; he lashed out on instinct, desperate not to go under again. 

“- _Tony!_ ” Bucky’s voice broke through the haze of his memories. Tony was on the ground, unsure of how he got there. Bucky was holding him, grounding him in reality.

“Bucky?” Tony croaked, throat dry even while he was drowning.

“I’m here, baby,” said Bucky, petting his hair. “I got you.”

Tony tried to take a deep breath but it came out as a sob. Bucky just made soothing sounds, letting Tony fist his hands into Bucky’s shirt and cry. The soft fabric reminded him that he wasn’t in that cave anymore, and Bucky’s lips on his forehead kept him from falling back there.

“I’m okay,” Tony said finally. Even he could hear the shakiness in his voice and he winced at it. 

“You’re not,” challenged Bucky, not letting him get away with the lie.

“Well, I will be,” said Tony waspishly. He couldn’t muster the energy for real indignation, though.

“You want to tell me what happened?” asked Bucky gently. “Clint said that you panicked after he hit you with a water balloon.”

“It wasn’t his fault,” Tony said quickly. “He didn’t know.”

“None of us did,” said Bucky. He looked like he was about to say something stupidly sympathetic, so Tony cut him off.

“I just don’t like water,” he said sharply. “I woke up on the wrong side of the bed and it set me off. It’s really nothing big. It’s handled. I’m handling it.”

Bucky hummed and squeezed Tony’s hand. “I won’t force you to talk,” he promised. “But I’m here if you want to.”

“I’m not scared of water,” Tony rambled. “I just don’t like it. Waterboarding will do that to a guy. But I’m fine, seriously.”

Bucky took a sharp breath; the team didn’t know much about Tony’s time in Afghanistan. Any digital records were locked up under JARVIS’s tightest security and Tony never gave statements on it. Everyone figured there had been torture of some kind, but they hadn’t known exactly what.

Bucky visibly calmed himself down. “I’m scared of ice,” he offered. “Cold, really. It makes me think I’m being put back into cryo, that I’m the Asset again.”

“That’s different,” Tony said immediately. In his head, he was planning ways to make it so Bucky would never have to be cold again. Insulation in his suit, to start, and stocking up on blankets. “You have seventy years of trauma with _HYDRA_ , for god’s sake. The cave was practically a vacation compared to what you went through.”

“It’s not a contest, doll,” said Bucky. “You can’t use my trauma as a measuring stick for yours. You’re allowed to be hurt by what you went through.”

“It wasn’t that bad,” protested Tony. “What are you, my therapist? Why do you even care?”

“Because I love you,” Bucky answered calmly. “And I care about your health.”

Tony deflated. “I know,” he said quietly. “I love you, too. And before you ask, I’ll see a therapist, I promise. It’s just...”

“Trust is hard, I know,” Bucky said, pressing a kiss to Tony’s forehead. “But we’ll find someone. Together.”

“I hate that fucking line,” Tony grumbled, snuggling closer to Bucky. It was as close to a concession as he was going to give, and he knew Bucky knew it.

“But you love me,” Bucky sing-songed, the atmosphere finally lightening.

“Yeah, well,” said Tony, closing his eyes. “It’s naptime. Emotion really takes the energy right out of me.”

“Are you going to go to our bed?” asked Bucky, skeptical.

“Nope!”

Bucky sighed. Tony didn’t open his eyes, but he felt it when Bucky picked him up and started walking. “You’re lucky you’re tiny.”

“And _you’re_ lucky I’m too tired to beat your ass for that,” Tony muttered, shifting in Bucky’s arms. 

Bucky’s fond chuckle was the last thing Tony heard before slipping into unconsciousness. There were worse things to fall asleep to.

**Author's Note:**

> just a note: clint didnt just,,, disappear when tony started panicking! hes not that much of an asshole. he stayed and tried to calm tony down until friday got bucky, then figured he was Not Necessary to the calming process anymore and skedaddled. he makes it up to tony later by dying steves hair pink.
> 
> comments and kudos make me happy!
> 
> come yell at me on tumblr [@imposter-human](https://imposter-human.tumblr.com/)


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